cabin fever.


Hot take:

I don’t like working from home 5 days a week.

My office is under construction and so there is no place for me to sit until that’s done, so I was told I could work from home until then. I know a lot of people who would be absolutely thrilled for this – but I’m not. I’ve learned a lot about myself since 2020, and one of the things I found was that I DO NOT do well mentally when I’m cooped up at home 24/7. My anxiety spirals, my depression is harder to stave off, my frustration and anger starts creeping up on me and is harder to control, my stress levels skyrocket and I want to run screaming into the sunset, as far away from where I am as possible.

During the pandemic it wasn’t THAT bad – mostly because since I was the IT person in the office, I was considered an “essential” employee, so I had to go to the office twice a week in the mornings to handle tasks. No one else was present, I didn’t see or speak to anyone since everyone else was working from home. I rolled in and took care of what I needed to take care of, and then I left. It allowed me some normalcy during that crazy time. I would get up, get dressed – makeup, hair, and all – commute the 30+ minutes to the office, do what I needed to do, and go home around lunch to log in the rest of the day.

But now the best place to do my job is at home. 5 days a week, all day. With doing support, it’s harder for me to work with only the single laptop screen. I’ve become accustomed to using two monitors both at work and at home. Also, since I attend regular meetings and have to get on calls for support issues, sitting at a coffee shop all day is difficult. So I can’t really go anywhere to work other than my house, and I’m steadily feeling more and more down.

This weekend has been helpful – my brother came to visit yesterday so we took him and his girlfriend to lunch, and this morning I went to have breakfast with my friend K. Tomorrow afternoon I have a therapist appointment across the lake, Tuesday I have a nail appointment after work, and Wednesday I’m meeting K for dinner. So I’m trying to find things to do and to look forward to, which is helping.

But I am still counting down the days until my full week vacation at the end of July, when I’ll be going on a road trip to Atlanta for the ATEEZ concert. That’s my saving grace, my big thing to look forward to this summer. The big thing that’s helping me hang on.

A full week of not this house, not these walls.

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