now I’m bottom of the pile, a dusty photo

I see all these people creating things – art, writing, etc. – and want to do that. I want to create something. I want to write, I want to create something beautiful and meaningful. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way.

But it also seems like nothing I create is “good enough”, and I hate feeling that way.

I see so many talented people creating things all over social media, especially in the K-Pop fandom. Hell, some of the best friends I have are INCREDIBLY talented writers and artists. And I support them wholeheartedly, and adore the work they do! I am not jealous of their talent in the least. I love it and want to show the world and talk about it with them.

Then I look at what I create, what I write and what I do, and I just feel so…lacking. And logically, I know that my friends will also support and love the things I make, and they will hype me up just as much as I do for them. I just feel so LESS THAN, and I hate it. It saps my creative spirit and makes me want to not even bother. But the desire is THERE and it is STRONG.

How do I get it back? How do I find that space again? Do I carry my camera everywhere? Do I just grab snapshots with my phone wherever I can? Do I block time to just write, and whatever comes out goes up? Do I force it, fake it until I make it? How do I get back into that mindset and STAY there?